The four immeasurable, also known as
the Brahma Viharas (Skt.) are found in one brief and beautiful prayer:
May all sentient beings have happiness and its causes,
May all sentient beings be free of suffering and its causes,
May all sentient beings never be separated from bliss without suffering,
May all sentient beings be in equanimity, free of bias, attachment and anger.
"Rahula, practice loving kindness to overcome anger.
Loving kindness has the capacity to bring happiness to others without demanding
anything in return.
Practice compassion to overcome cruelty. Compassion has the capacity to remove
the suffering of others without expecting anything in return.
Practice sympathetic joy to overcome hatred. Sympathetic joy arises when one
rejoices over the happiness of others and wishes others well-being and success.
Practice non-attachment to overcome prejudice. Non-attachment is the way of
looking at all things openly and equally. This is because that is. Myself and
others are not separate. Do not reject one thing only to chase after another.
I call these the four immeasurables. Practice them and you will become a
refreshing source of vitality and happiness for others."
LOVE
The definition of love in Buddhism
is: wanting others to be happy.
This love is unconditional and it requires a lot of courage and acceptance
(including self-acceptance).
The "near enemy" of love, or a quality which appears similar, but is
more an opposite is: conditional love (selfish love, see also the page on attachment).
The opposite is wanting others to be unhappy: anger,
hatred.
A result which one needs to avoid is: attachment.
This definition means that 'love' in
Buddhism refers to something quite different from the ordinary term of love
which is usually about attachment, more or less successful relationships and
sex; all of which are rarely without self-interest. Instead, in Buddhism it
refers to de-tachment and the unselfish interest in others' welfare.
'Even offering three hundred bowls
of food three times a day does not match the spiritual merit gained in one
moment of love.'
Nagarjuna
"If there is love, there is
hope that one may have real families, real brotherhood, real equanimity, real
peace. If the love within your mind is lost and you see other beings as
enemies, then no matter how much knowledge or education or material comfort you
have, only suffering and confusion will ensue"
His Holiness the Dalai Lama from 'The little book of Buddhism'
Attachment and love are similar in
that both of them draw us to the other person. But in fact, these two emotions
are quite different. When we’re attached we’re drawn to someone because he or
she meets our needs. In addition, there are lots of strings attached to our
affection that we may or may not realize are there. For example, I “love” you
because you make me feel good. I “love” you as long as you do things that I
approve of. I “love” you because you’re mine. You’re my spouse or my child or
my parent or my friend. With attachment, we go up and down like a yo-yo,
depending on how the other person treats us. We obsess, “What do they think of
me? Do they love me? Have I offended them? How can I become what they want me to
be so that they love me even more?” It’s not very peaceful, is it? We’re
definitely stirred up.
On the other hand, the love we’re generating on the Dharma path is
unconditional. We simply want other to have happiness and the causes of
happiness without any strings attached, without any expectations of what these
people will do for us or how good they’ll make us feel.
Don’t Believe Everything You Think: Living with Wisdom and Compassion, by
Thubten Chodron
COMPASSION
The definition is: wanting others to
be free from suffering.
This compassion happens when one feels sorry with someone, and one feels an
urge to help.
The near enemy is pity, which keeps other at a distance, and does not urge one
to help.
The opposite is wanting others to suffer, or cruelty.
A result which one needs to avoid is sentimentality.
Compassion thus refers to an unselfish, de-tached emotion which gives one a
sense of urgency in wanting to help others. From a Buddhist perspective,
helping others to reduce their physical or mental suffering is very good, but
the ultimate goal is to extinguish all suffering by stopping the process of
rebirth and the suffering that automatically comes with living by reaching
enlightenment.
The attitude of a so-called
Bodhisattva is Bodhicitta: this is the ultimate compassionate motivation: the
wish to liberate all sentient beings from the sufferings of cyclic existence
and to become a fully enlightened Buddha oneself in order to act as the perfect
guide for them. Actually, this could well be the most honorable and idealistic
motivation possible.
SYMPATHETIC JOY
The definition is: being happy with
someone's fortune/happiness. Sympathetic joy here refers to the potential of
bliss and happiness of all sentient beings, as they can all become Buddhas.
The near enemy is hypocrisy or affectation.
The opposite is jealousy, when one cannot accept the happiness of others.
A result which one needs to avoid is: spaced-out bliss, which can easily turn
into laziness.
Note: sympathetic joy is a great antidote to depression for oneself as well,
but this should not be the main goal.
By rejoicing in others' progress on the spiritual path, one can actually share
in their positive karma.
Sympathetic joy is an unselfish, very positive mental attitude which is beneficial
for oneself and others. In this case, it also refers specifically to rejoicing
in the high rebirth and enlightenment of others.
EQUANIMITY
Equanimity in Buddhism means to have
a clear-minded tranquil state of mind - not being overpowered by delusions,
mental dullness or agitation. For example, with equanimity we do not
distinguish between friend, enemy or stranger, but regard every sentient being
as equal.
The near enemy is indifference. It is tempting to think that just 'not caring'
is equanimity, but that is just a form of egotism, where we only care about
ourselves.
The opposite of equanimity is anxiety, worry, stress and paranoia caused by
dividing people into 'good' and 'bad'; one can worry forever if a good friend
may not be a bad person after all, and thus spoiling trust and friendship.
A result which one needs to avoid is apathy as a result of 'not caring'.
Equanimity is the basis for unconditional, altruistic love, compassion and joy
for other's happiness and Bodhicitta.
When we discriminate between friends and enemies, how can we ever want to help
all sentient beings?
Equanimity is an unselfish, de-tached state of mind which also prevents one
from doing negative actions.
"If one tries to befriend an
enemy for a moment, he becomes your friend.
The same thing occurs when one treats a friend as an enemy.
Therefore, by understanding the impermanence of temporal relations,
Wise ones are never attached to food, clothing or reputation, nor to friends or
enemies.
The father becomes the son in another
life,
Mother becomes the wife,
Enemy becomes friend;
It always changes.
Therefore there is nothing definite in samsara."
The Buddha
"The foundation for practicing
the seven-point cause and effect method is cultivating a mind of equanimity. Without
this foundation you will not be able to have an impartial altruistic view,
because without equanimity you will always have partiality towards your
relatives and friends. Realize that you should not have prejudice, hatred, or
desire towards enemies, friends, or neutral persons, thus lay a very firm
foundation of equanimity."
His Holiness the Dalai Lama, from 'Path to Bliss: A Practical Guide to Stages of Meditation'
It is said that the awareness of a
Buddha is completely even, like the ocean, taking in equally the joys and
sorrows of all people, friends, loved ones, relatives, and those never met.
This is the meaning of a statement made by so many of the world's great
spiritual teachers,
"Love your enemy."
It doesn't mean love the person you hate. You can't do that. Love those who
hate you.
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